The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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