You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize