I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
