thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
