wrigley field is MILF paradise
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
But theres a keg here and me gusta
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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