Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
