A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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