i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
