so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize