My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
