I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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