Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
