M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
