Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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