so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
