how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
