He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
