I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
