She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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