Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I party with great urgency now.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
