I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
