This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
