he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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