i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
