It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
