I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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