I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
