How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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