Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize