sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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