I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
