its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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