The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
