I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
