He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
bring money and cleavage
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
