It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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