So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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