I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
