Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
