I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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