Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
