I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
