I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
