Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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