he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
