It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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