I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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