sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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