I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
