we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
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