Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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