if i can run in heels then i can drive
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
