So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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