I showed him my bush... on skype.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
