Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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