We're facebook friends in real life
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
