My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
