if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
