i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
