This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
