got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
