I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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