I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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