I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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