that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
we made out on top of his cat.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Randomize
