I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I love you.
Bad choice
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
